It is rant time on DSM

Well, what do you know? I kept my word and am on schedule for the fb rant thanks to the dark, wet, rainy morning we have today in the sunny state of Texas.  We are spoiled here with warm skies and 70^o temperatures in December.  It puts us (at least me) in a foul mood when the skies are cloudy and the weather turns dull and wet.  Contrary to what Indian poets and imaginative types would have you believe, this desigirl does not share the romantic associations that are imparted to the rainy season of the Indian subcontinent.  For me, rains always bring about images of dusty roads turned to muddy mush, damp clothes, and dark homes lit in the middle of the day with yellow fluorescent bulbs.

Keeping with the theme: a B&W for Susan.

So you will have to excuse me if I am not in the best of moods when it starts to rain even though my adopted country’s concrete and asphalt roads don’t get muddy and the only thing to fear while out and about is flash flooding.  There are no damp odors emanating from clothes or bedding. No traffic jams to navigate through, no potholes to jump over, not even open drains for the kid to float his paper boat in.  The only redeeming feature of the rainy season in India is the sweet, earthy smell that we fondly call gili mitti ki mahak (smell of wet dust).  But I am denied that in the land of concrete and grass lawns, perhaps because I prefer to stay indoors when it pours and curse and rant about the bounty of water falling outside my window.

B&W breakfast with a hot cup of tea to chase away the blues.

This brings us to the fb rant that has been long time coming.  Over the years, I have added and then edited, deleted and hidden from view friends, bloggers, and relatives for various reasons some of which are listed below.  And on gloomy days like today, I still manage to get irritated because people constantly find new ways to up the ante. 

The game fan:  I played Lexulous, the fb version of scrabble, for a couple of months with a vengeance. I was hooked on it all the time.  So believe me when I say, I understand why you play Farmville, Mafia Wars and other assorted games.  Just don’t inflict your friends with imaginary acquisitions of sheeps, horses and planting of crops.  Go work on a farm instead of bragging about that fictional crop you harvested.  And please do not feel obligated to announce your general knowledge quiz score. That is just sad.

The “I have 400+ friends on fb dude and I don’t remember if we were friends before you unfriended me so I am sending you another friend request”:  Yes, we know you like ‘friending’ people for personal glory. I just won’t be the one that tips your friend count from 499 to 500.  

The You Tube linker:  We all love a good tune but not all of us have the time to listen to ten songs you post on your wall every other day.  Spare us your refined taste in music and stop cluttering our walls.

Leafy goodness of kale for Susan's B&W



The quotable quotes person:  A long time ago, when I used to work in a small office, our bosses’ sanctimonious secretary used to send out thought of the day to the rest of us.  All we did with them was snicker behind her back and smiled politely at her when asked if we read it.  She never got the message but I hope you have. 

The religious, the political and the dietary fanatic:  I do not care what your religious, political or dietary preferences are.  Do not ask me to forward, subscribe or endorse your belief system by sharing them on my wall.  On the same note, I have blocked or hidden some of your posts if they contain graphic pictures, misleading photographs or poorly sourced articles intended to sway me in your direction.  It does not make me appreciate you or your cause. It just makes me think of you as a bully who deserves to be ignored.  You are entitled to post what you wish on your wall. I am entitled to complain about it and block it on my wall.

Cryptic word of the day:  If you have something to say, just say it. Don’t make people guess it by sighing on your wall (*sigh*), posting colon and two close ended brackets for a smile or a ‘Yay’.

The juvenile, delinquent language users:  My nephews, nieces and younger cousins in their teens substitute the word ‘da’ for ‘the’ and continue other sordid trangressions on the English language even when there is no word limit or messaging restriction on fb.  I wince and bear it because I realize they think it is cool and hip to write that way, they are young and they don’t know any better.  But there is no excuse if you are an adult who does not comprehend what the problem is when corrected.  

The ‘Like’ button err…. liker:  Yes, I know it is hard to comment on just about every post your 300+ friends post every day.  You do not have to show your presence by hitting the ‘like’ button every time, all the time.  To me that is just a shallow gesture to register your presence.  I would rather have your thoughtful comment once in a blue moon. That is not to say I do not hit the ‘like’ button occasionally. I do when I am in hurry or when words cannot express how much I liked that particular status.  

Kale in color.

That my friends, is my short list of things I have been complaining to my friends on fb for a while.  Since I was in danger of being unfriended by them, I decided to vent out on DSM and save the few friends I have left.  Do you have a rant about the social media you would like to share?  Feel free to do so in the comments below or write a post and let me know.  I will add your link to my post below. It feels good to let it all out.  I know I feel good, even though it is still a gloomy, wet day.  

New beginnings and all that humbug…

…is how I have decided to lead my first post in 2012.  As usual, I have started another year with nary a clue as to where it will lead me.  Last year saw me busy with my school and getting used to the routine of a kindergartner.  As a result, there was sporadic activity on DSM and my fiction writing suffered.  By the end of the year, I was off facebook and twitter, effectively abandoning my blog.

Start of the day.

Facebook and twitter are lifelines for a blogger, a channel for keeping in touch and interacting with blogger friends.  It can also be addicting and a major time suck.  More often than not, it is an outlet for the narcissist in all of us.  I found myself tiring of the minutiae of every day happenings on my wall and engaging in debates and discussions on controversial topics, from archaic practice of Karwa Chauth to the practicality of using steel plates and doing away with disposable ones.  As entertaining and fun it was to get into controversial subjects what put me off fb was the simpering, fawning platitudes some bloggers bestowed on each other.  And don’t even get me started on the frequent use of the ‘like’ button by some who will remain nameless! 

Tea and steamed rava idlis.

Finally, I had enough.  One sunny day in November I quit cold turkey.  No post announcing I am quitting, no response to friends and above all, no more jumping in controversial discussions or suffering smarmy, sycophantic comments.  It was a quite though a bit boring existence but hey, I made it up more than enough by reading a few books I had been meaning to pick up.

Way with words.

The first one was Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand, which had been on my reading list for the longest time and was our book club pick for December.  It is an entertaining read  about a stiff, retired British Majoy and his romance with a widowed Muslim shopkeeper of a quaint village. Author Helen Simonson brings the characters and the village to life in her first attempt at fiction.

Rushdie’s Satanic Verses is an epic in every sense of the word.  I have been a fan of his work since I read Luka and the Fire of Life last year. His style of magical realism makes for a very entertaining read if you know your mythology.   Norton Juster’s  Phantom Tollbooth left me wondering how I had gone through life without reading it.  Just to get out of the world of magic and into some tragedy, I decided to start reading up on Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events and yes, it is a series of 13 unfortunate events that fall on three orphan siblings who somehow manage to survive every grim situation when lesser men would succumb to their fate and give up.  Hopefully, reviews for some of these books will be written shortly as well as a longer rant on Facebook practices that tick me off.  The later will probably come before the former.

For now, I am concentrating on learning the complexities of my DSLR that the better half got for me last month.  I have been shooting photos of food and family and boy, is it a big learning curve or what?  I had to open the obligatory flicker account to be able to get critiques and tips from fellow photographers who have had so much more experience and expertise in these matters.  Won’t you visit it too and give me your feedback?

In this year of presumed apocalypse, here’s to new beginnings, heartfelt rants and some good food, photographs and regular blog posts not to mention all the humbug that goes with it.

The purpose of my blog…

This post has been languishing, half-written, in my drafts for a while and seemed like the perfect piece to explain my absence from the blogosphere. I would like to say I was musing, all these months, on the purpose of my blog. The truth is I was busy with the business of being a mom, a part time student, an anime junkie and a BBC comedy snob. Blogging seemed like a chore to be done at the end of the day; a chore which wasn’t as enjoyable as watching an episode of Coupling or Full Metal Alchemist while the kiddo slept soundly in the other room. However, I am back now, rejuvenated by the extended break and hopefully will blog more regularly, for a couple of months at least. Till my next post, here are some reasons why Desisoccermom exists.

Apart from those who comment, do you know who else reads your blog? I know for a fact that my family, back in India, with the exception of my brother does not read it. For them it is just a hobby I indulge in, especially since I didn’t cook much for the first 27 years of my life.

It doesn’t matter that this blog has been a launching pad for a long due apology to my mom for my bratty behavior when I was in my troublesome teens. It has been a platform to pen an ode to my grandma and the battered heirlooms she passed on to me. Have they read any of it? No. For them, if I am not working in an “office” and bringing home a paycheck, it is a hobby. (In their defense, my grandma does not own a computer and my mom is not computer savvy or refuses to be one.)

Then there are friends of mine from college days who sometimes drop by to catch up and once in a while leave a comment. But these are few and far in between. Recently, one of these friends, let’s call him Y (because his name starts with it), told me that he could not figure out the purpose of my blog. When a good friend of 20 years can’t figure out the purpose of a blog which is titled Desi Soccer Mom, the writer of the said blog has to pause and do some soul searching.

The blog was started, like most things in my life, with an impulse and no clue. If I had done some research, I would have gone with Wordpress just because they have so much cooler templates than blogger (no offense blogspot). As it happens, I went with blogger.

It is true I did not have a purpose in mind when I opened my template and started writing. In the beginning it was an attempt to chronicle the goings-on in my life, which, now that I think of, are not that interesting. The kiddo had just started preschool, I had a few hours to myself and this seemed like a good way to brush up on my writing skills. To be honest, the skills needed more than just brushing. They needed to be sanded, scrubbed, brushed and polished. (The polishing is still going on and hopefully will never end.)

Like most desis I know I too cook almost every day, to the great surprise of my American neighbors. It was natural that writing about food or about my life somewhat overlapped. Once the food was put to pen, I couldn’t stop, not because I am a great cook or everything I cook is finger licking good. Heck, I am not even a versatile cook like some bloggers I know.

I am however, what I like to call, an evolving cook. In my dictionary, an involving cook is one who does not follow a recipe to a T or stresses over just the right ingredients the recipe calls for. Ok, that may be because I am incapable of following a recipe to a T and I never plan in advance for a recipe, so I am forced to innovate substitute garam masala with sabzi masala and sometimes omit the dhana-jeera because I have run out of it. I have been known to use red chili powder instead of green chilies because I was too lazy to chop them.

So, why do I blog mostly about food, but sometimes also about the books I read? It is certainly not intended as collection of recipes for Jr. who is as picky an eater as I was till I started college. I also do not have scores of followers waiting with bated teeth for me to post a recipe. Maybe it is because I like the fact that I created something edible and possibly delicious that my friends and family liked. I think that warrants it getting recorded, possibly for posterity on the world web.

I do love reading books and our book club directs me to books I may never have chosen or found out about on my own. So instead of reading the labels on the back of processed foods, I pick up a book every month, read it, review it and sometimes cook from it. Reading well constructed sentences and clever use of words gives me pleasure no amount of dark chocolate can. Never mind that I savor the dark cocoa confection while I devourer the book.

My last post, some months ago, was a piece of fiction I wrote for one of the finest bloggers to grace the blogging world. I have to admit, I have enjoyed the attention garnered by my fiction pieces. In fact, my fiction posts seem to be more popular than my food posts. Does that give me another purpose to keep blogging? Possibly yes. Because as much as I blog for me and me alone, I also like the little bit of attention I sometimes get.

Which brings me to the second part of the story, It takes two to err..., that all of you have been waiting for me to post and that I haven’t finished writing yet. But I am working on it and hopefully, will post it sooner than later.

As to the purpose of my blog, well, I have to say, I still am not sure what it is. Maybe it is the pleasure of knowing that my words are read and appreciated. Maybe the thrill of knowing that my recipes, stories and anecdotes, no matter how lame or corny, have been recorded on the invisible tracks of the internet for posterity.

I know for certain that I enjoy the comments that start to trickle in a couple of hours after I post something. I certainly feel lucky to have made some wonderful friends through this blog, friends who have indulged me in my rants and patiently answered my questions about their photography skills.

I guess, above all, it is the unbridled pleasure of knowing that Desisoccermom is MY space to write whatever it is I want, when I want or not. There are no pesky editors, no demanding boss or nagging overseer. It is my domain, to do as I please or take a three month break if it pleases me.

If you haven’t drifted off to another blog by now, let me ask you this: what is the purpose of your blog?

Simplify your life: Turn off the TV

Today, I woke up to a quiet house. Usually, I wake up to the cacophony of early morning news, chatty TV shows and loud advertisement, not to mention weather and traffic updates every five minutes. As far as I can remember I have always woken up to noise whether it was Vividh Bharti (radio) and later Doordarshan (TV).

Except in the summers when we would sleep outside, under an open sky, snuggled in our blankets under the mosquito nettings and wake up to a quiet, cool summer morning. But that was years ago.

Today, T had left for work earlier than usual and had not turned on the TV like he does every morning. The house was so calm when I woke up, it reminded me of those early summer mornings. I warmed my cup of tea (courtesy T) and basked in the quiet warmth of the ginger infused concoction.

Till, my four year old woke up. On any given day, if we are not watching TV our son is, which is most of the time. Today, he seemed content to play in his room without the TV on and I decided not to turn it on till he asked for it.

Well, as it turned out he didn’t ask for it till half the day was over. Instead, he found and played with toys he hadn’t played with in months, we had a quiet breakfast together, went for a haircut, to see a train, took a bath and cut our nails, all before noon!

All clean and groomed, he watched TV for an hour and a half and had his lunch. A play date with a boy on the street and he was ready for his afternoon nap.

After the nap the TV was still off. We played together for a while and after T came home we had tea and snacks together and caught up on our day.

The three of us played pretend fighter pilots for a little while before I headed off to cook. Dinner too was a quiet family affair with still no TV.

Usually, we feed the picky eater while he is watching his favorite movie or cartoon, then the two of us eat together. Today, all of us sat down together and had a quiet meal without the TV blaring and the click of the remote between shows. 

A quick kitchen clean up and we were back building blocks and reading books. Before we knew it, it was an hour to bedtime.

This may sound strange but my son’s bedtime routine includes about an hour of computer games, which I play with him. We decided to stick to it but ended it earlier than usual.

As we prepared to go to bed, we realized how calm our day had been and how much more time we had to interact as a family. T told me he had not even surfed the net or listened to the car radio on the way to work and back home. I did no such thing but just turning the TV off opened up many more hours in the day for my son and me.     

More than the free hours, my life seemed calmer and less complicated. You just have to count the number of times I wrote the word ‘quiet’ in this post (six times, not counting the word ‘calm’).

After harping for so long about wanting to reach my 100^th post and agonizing on whether to cook a dessert or an entrée to post, this day somehow seemed more apropos to log as my century.

Tomorrow, no car radio and if I can help it, hopefully no surfing the net. Unless…

If you are leaving a comment, tell me how many hours of TV your family watches? Ours was 7-8 hours between the three of us.

Disclaimer: This is not to say we are packing and donating our TV to charity. But now that we know we can live without watching our favorite shows or listening to the news, we will think twice before picking up the remote.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly -- II

I was going to post a food recipe (stuffed Anaheim peppers) today and then go finish my grocery shopping for the week. It'll have to wait, since I have some explaining to do.
When I wrote my last post, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, it was not intended as a personal attack on any one in particular but as a commentary on the ongoing trend on the blogosphere. Also, I have never received a rude comment or have had the bad luck of having my photo or recipe copied.
I am not a snob or an anglophobe (in fact I write as well in Hindi as I do in English). I do not claim to be an outstanding writer or have a great blog going. I think I am a decent writer and have a clean blog which is easy on the eye and not too cluttered.
I do have almost a decade of journalism background with newspapers like TOI, IE and Mid-Day (and yes, I have also written for Dainik Bhaskar and Naiduniya, albeit very briefly). That has made me, unfortunately, sensitive to grammatical and spelling mistakes. If some bloggers think it is their prerogative to ignore language and spellings in the process of expressing themselves, then more power to them. But let them be aware of the adage -- you get what you sow.
I do understand that English is not the first language of some bloggers and a lot of times they translate verbs and adjectives from their mother tongue to English, resulting in not so perfect a sentence. And that is perfectly fine. I do visit a lot of blogs whose English is not as good but I still love them for their content and the passion with which they write.
Moving on to the comment section of the blog. It is interesting to note that no one tried to defend plagiarism of image and text. Thank you plagiarists for that.
Now to address the issue of the blogger who said she was better than Tarla Dalal. I have to explain that it was an exaggeration on my part (I blame it on the sensational journalist in me) and I apologize for raising unintentional curiosity. I was merely trying to point to outlandish expressions of the "best curry you will ever eat" kind of claims.
We are all guilty of asking people to come and visit our blog when she started out. I am guilty of doing the same in the beginning and it is what a lot of us do to let people know of our existence. There is nothing wrong with it if asked in the correct tone or in the right context (for ex if both the posts are about pulao). But expecting people to mandatorily follow their blog or to go click on the ads is unacceptable.
Also, if for some reason, a regular visitor has not been visiting your blog, please don't pester them with forceful invitations or rude comments. It happens to me, a lot, and instead of asking I reason that they may have lost interest in my latest posts or may be busy with work or family or have had a computer breakdown.
While I would like to see them visit regularly, it also makes me doubt my content and the next time I post something I work at it harder. I am acutely aware when I write that the reader can go to the next blog by the click of a button and if I am not consistent in what I write or if my content is not interesting, I may not gain readership or a following. If I hold myself up to a certain standard, it makes sense for me to expect the same kind of standard from the blogs that I frequent.
I do take exception when people expect to be reciprocated post to post. Check out A&N's post for what I am trying to say.
I prefer to receive a cogent, heartfelt response rather than a cursory one for the sake of commenting and reciprocating. I have drawn immense satisfaction from reading comments from the last two posts, because they tell me something about the reader and give me a chance for some spirited dialogue. For me it is not the number of comments I get, but the content of the comments. And again, let me clarify, I do not expect 500 word paragraph. An acknowledgement that the post has been read and commented accordingly is what I expect.
Again, it was not my intention to step on sensitive blogger toes or attack any one in particular. It was a commentary on the general trend in the blogosphere and as I said in my earlier post it was the ranting of an insomniac. Treat it as such.
If you want a lesson from it, please I urge you again to read Amit Varma's Blogging Tips from a Jaded Veteran.
Thank you and good (luck) blogging.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Ranting of an insomniac
What makes you follow a blog? For me it is the content, the writing, the pictures, the recipes and most of all the "it" factor. If the blogger speaks to me on a personal level, doesn't talk down to me and is passionate about what he or she is writing, I follow them to the last post. I have met some wonderful bloggers who are funny and kind and generous. I have asked for help and have been given support and encouragement and good advice by them. I have befriended them on FB and exchanged emails with a few.
I have also been stumped to read bad copy (read language), improper use of words, shameless self promotion and rude comments all over the blogosphere. I credit the first two to ignorance and let go but the latter two leave me  speechless (obviously not now). Without wanting to sound rude or offensive or arrogant here's a word of advice for those who wanna have 100 followers in a matter of few months: If you are good, people will follow you eventually. Don't go on a blog and ask them to come over and visit yours unless your posts are related. Most likely people will remove your comment from their post or just ignore it. If you still have the urge to solicit, be polite and say something nice about the post you are leaving your comment on and then tell them to come visit you.
And no matter what you do, for heaven's sake do not announce on your blog that you are a better writer or cook than Tarla Dalal. If you can hold a candle to TD let your readers tell you that and believe me they will. Do not brag what your guests said about your cooking. They are guests and have to praise you, whether it was worth the praise or they were being polite, you'll never know.
On the same note, if your recipe is adapted from TD, please give her credit. This goes not only for TD but for all those hardworking bloggers out there typing and composing there posts in the middle of the night.
Which brings me to my next point. For those of you who love to cut, copy and paste from other blogs and pass it off as yours, please don't. In plain speak, it is stealing and it is the worst thing you can do to some one's hard work. If you wrote your own posts and took the trouble of taking photos, editing and captioning them, you would realize how much time and effort goes into the process. Once you are exposed for the fraud you are, no one will visit your blog. It takes just one email to start the chain reaction to brand your blog scarlet. Try being original and I promise you people will try to copy you. Till then, stop and think before you click the copy button. Thank you.
Now I would like to direct everyone's attention to a great blog -- Amit Varma's India Uncut. His views of Indian current events -- politics, sports, culture -- are an interesting read. He has a huge following and millions of people log in everyday to read his posts. In this article -- Blogging Tips from a Jaded Veteran -- he writes a few commonsense guideline for writing a great blog -- keep it crisp, do not talk down to your readers, enjoy the process, respect your reader's time and DON'T COPY.
According to Varma, all the advice he gives for writing a great blog stems from one rule of thumb -- "Respect your reader's time." Here are a few of the points he covers under those rules:
Keep it Crisp
Don't Show Off
Ask yourself why you are writing your blog
Who are you writing for
Be regular but don't force yourself (I love this one)
Use Proper English
Don't Clutter Your Page
Do it only if it is fun (Gotta love that too)
Don't treat the reader like a fool


At the risk of talking down to my readers I will now sign off with the advice : Enjoy and Learn from the above mentioned article.
This post goes to Sra of When my soup comes alive. She is celebrating her third anniversary and has decided to host the unique event The Write Taste. Sra, you are a sister of my heart and I am glad I found your blog.